Rosalie's Exboyfriend
by Uxiegirl
Summary: Rosalie and Bella were watching Tom and Jerry when suddenly the doorbell rings, and there on the doorstep was Tom Riddle. This is my first fanfic so PLEASE review!
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first story on Fanfic, so PLEASE review!!!!!! ALL comments are expectable!!!!!!!!**

It was a cloudy morning in Forks, and the entire Cullen family was away hunting except for Rosalie.

Bella sat on the couch, Rosalie's perfect golden eyes locked on her with hatred.

"So…" Bella said, trying to start a conversation. "Rose… do you want to watch something?" Rosalie sighed with relief.

"I thought you'd never ask!" she said with a laugh, and flicked the television on to Tom and Jerry. "Oh! That's got to hurt! Get him, Tom! Whoa! Where'd that dynamite come from?"

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Rosalie groaned as she left her favorite program. On the doorstep was a man in a cloak. His skin was as light as Rosalie's an his eyes a brilliant red. Veins stuck out of his bald head as he smiled with rotten teeth.

"Hello, Rosalie." said the man.

Rosalie screamed and punched him in the nose. Then she slammed to door in his face.

"Bella, we have to go," Rosalie said with panic.

"What?" Bella whined, curiously drawn to the cat and mouse cartoon.

"NOW!" Rosalie demanded, grimacing as she turned the cartoon off. In an instant she held Bella in her arms and ran to the car. She dumped her in the backseat and drove away as fast as she could.

She pulled out the silver phone and dialed quickly.

"Hello? Edward? It's Rose. We got trouble."

"Is it Victoria?" asked Edward worriedly.

"No."

"Is it the Volturi?" Edward asked.

"No." Edward gasped.

"Is it Jacob without his pants on?"

"No!" Rosalie cried. "It's… _him_." She said the word in a whisper.

"Him?" Edward asked, confused. "Who?"

"He Who Must Not Be Named!" Rosalie cried. "_Tom Riddle_!" Edward gasped.

"The bald guy?"

"The very same."

"I thought we killed him."

"So did I. I guess dumping him in hot lava only melted his hair." Edward thought about that. He shook it off.

"What do we do?" he asked.

"We need to get to England and warn the boy."

"Right. What about Bella?" Edward sounded worried. Rosalie hesitated.

"Bellatrix or our Bella?"

"OUR Bella!"

"I figured. She can't come. I'll drop her off at La Push." She said. Edward sighed.

"All right. See you at the airport." Rosalie hung up the phone.

**PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Like I said before, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

The girls rode in silence towards La Push. Rosalie began to whistle a tune that Bella had never heard before.

"What is that?" Bella finally asked.

"It's a tune of the wizard lands," Rosalie replied.

"There are _wizards_ now?" Bella cried.

"Yes," Rosalie replied calmly. "Ask Angela. She'll know some about them. And then you can talk to Billy and Jacob about them, too. They've got a half cousin…Lupin. Lupin lives around where wizards do. Actually, he is one."

"_And_ a werewolf?" Bella asked, dismayed. "Hey, why don't you just bite him, make him a vampire too?" Rosalie laughed.

"If I did, those wizards would kill me," she said. "Besides, there are a lot of werewolf-wizards."

Rosalie dropped Bella off at the border of La Push.

"Rosalie," Bella complained. "There's no Jacob here!" Rosalie just turned and sped away in the car. Bella sighed and started towards Jacob's house.

**Just in case, the tune was the Harry Potter theme!**


	3. Chapter 3

"Rose, do you think Bella's okay?" Edward asked frantically.

"Shh! Tom and Jerry's on!" Rosalie shot back, and drew her attention back to the little mobile television.

"Emmett, do you think Bella's okay?" Emmett just shrugged and glued his eyes back to the cartoon.

"Maybe I should have stayed with her," Edward went on. "I can't trust that werewolf."

"Bella, Bella, Bella! Why can't you talk about _my_ needs?" Alice cried, and ran to the bathroom.

"_Flight to London is now leaving._" The Cullens got up and got on the plane without Alice, who eventually came out of the bathroom and caught the plane just in time.

"You guys are jerks!" She shouted. "Leaving me all alone here!"

"Shh!" Rosalie said harshly. "Tom and Jerry's on!"

"It's the Jerry and Tom Marathon," Emmett explained.

The Cullens spent the rest of the flight watching the cartoon and encouraging Edward to cheat on Bella with a hot blonde sitting in front of him.

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	4. Chapter 4

"Ah, the Cullens! Welcome back to the U.K!" A pale young girl announced.

"Ah…I don't know you." Carlisle replied.

"I'm one of the natives." The girl said with a grin. "Of course, I'm one of _you_."

"One of what?" Jasper asked, looking around suddenly. Everyone looked at him. "Oh…right."

"Nancy's my name! I've been one of you for almost a year." Nancy said proudly, beaming. "Those foolish wizards have no idea. Not even Dumbledore!"

"That's great, Nancy," Emmett said, looking around nervously. "How's Harry Potter? Do you know him?" Nancy frowned.

"No," She said angrily, disappointed by this fact. "He doesn't even know I exist."

"That's too bad," said Rosalie sarcastically. "Now, what news of… He Who Must Not Be Named?" Nancy clicked her tongue.

"Such a long name," she said. "Much too long for my taste. My name's only five letters you see, so it's pretty astounding to hear his. Why, it's like…" She thought for a while. "Nineteen letters, not counting the spaces. So close to twenty and yet so far. It's not his real name you know, but we're not supposed to say it. I don't even know what it is…"

"My head hurts," Edward complained.

"Nancy," Carlisle said abruptly. "What news?"

"Just rumors, really," Nancy replied, looking slightly hurt. "They say he's coming back again. I don't believe it though. He's _got_ to be dead by now."

"Believe it, rookie," Rosalie snapped. "He showed up on my doorstep." Nancy gasped.

"Was he still…bald?" she asked in awe.

"Even _balder_" Rosalie said in a spooky voice. Nancy gave a little scream. "He was absolutely bald. The veins stuck out of his shiny old head."

"What did you _do?_" Nancy asked in awe.

"I hit him in his nose," Rosalie said proudly.

"Gosh," said Nancy, her eyes open wide.

"Um…we have a situation here," Alice pointed out. "Someone has to be in danger here. Either it's Harry or it's Rosalie, and I'm thinking it has to be Harry. Rosie can take care of herself."

"Don't call me Rosie," Rosalie growled.

"Yes, ma'am," Alice said quickly.

"Now get me my Tom and Jerry poster," Rosalie ordered.

"Of course," Alice said, rushing off.

"It's my good luck charm." The Cullens and Nancy stood there for a while.

"Let's ditch her," Edward suggested. And they left.


	5. Chapter 5

**: P**

Back at La Push, Bella watched the werewolves devour their food.

"Bella, what's up?" Jacob finally asked.

"Well…Rosalie told me there were wizards in this mess, too." Bella admitted. Jacob froze.

"Yes, there are," Jacob said gruffly. "WE don't like to speak of them."

"Why?" Bella asked.

"Well, Lupin's a wizard. This…affects his werewolvisim or whatever. He's your classic werewolf. Full moon, transformation, blah blah blah."

"You said they were myths," Bella pointed out.

"They are. But that's only because we're not werewolves. We're spirit werewolves…not really the same."

"So how is he your half-cousin?" Bella asked.

"He's not. But we still think of him that way." Bella nodded.

""What are wizards?" She asked.

"Now, I can't tell you that," Jacob replied. "This entire continent is completely uninvolved with magic and its history."

"Oh…" Bella said, disappointed.

"Except" Jacob went on. Bella perked up at the word. "The Wu's. Angela's family."

"Angela?" Bella repeated.

"Yeah. Rosie told you that, right?" Jacob looked like he wanted to hear 'no'.

"Yeah…Thanks, Jake. I'm going to see Angela tomorrow." Bella gave Jacob a quick kiss on the cheek and skipped away, leaving Jacob with an accomplished look on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

**Remember to REVIEW!!!!!!**

"Angela?" Bella asked the next morning over the phone.

"Hi, Bella," Angela replied, surprised.

"Hey, can I talk to you? In person?"

"Of course," Angela said.

"Can we meet at La Push?"

"Sure" Angela replied. "I'll be right there."

"Great," Bella said with a smile. "See you there." Bella hung up the phone with a sigh and a smile. That was easy. All she had to do now was play her innocent trickery. It would be so simple to trick Angela into admitting her secret, and then she would have to tell Bella everything.

Part of Bella reminded her that all she had to do was ask, but she cursed that part. This was so much more fun.

"So, Bells," Angela said slowly as they walked along the beach. "What's up?"

"Oh, not much," Bella replied. They walked in silence for a while before Bella decided to begin conquest. "Have you ever had a secret that is REALLY important but you can't tell anyway?"

"Yes," Angela replied, concerned. "What's up, Bella?"

"Oh, it's not me," Bella replied innocently.

"Oh," said Angela, looking away, feeling as if she were stupid. "Then who?"

"Actually, I've been thinking that you seem…out of the ordinary. I think you've got something on your chest."

"You do?" Angela asked, surprised. "I'm not having any trouble." _Of course not,_ Bella thought. _By now you should have learned to accept wizards._

"Oh?" Bella said curiously. "No trouble with Ben?"

"No,"

"No…grades slipping?"

"No,"

"No…old secrets finding their way up to haunt you?" Angela hesitated.

"Well…I probably shouldn't tell you. It's too much of a burden."

"Angela," Bella said with an innocent smile. "You can tell me anything."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The Cullens rode in Nancy's black automobile to the train station, Alice still at the airport looking for Rosalie's lucky poster.

"You know, I kind of feel bad for leaving Alice there all alone," Nancy said sadly.

"Oh, perk up, Nancy," Rosalie said. "We never liked her anyways."

"She talks a lot," Edward added.

"But still…"

"Nancy, if you want to be a vampire, you have to be cruel sometimes," Carlisle said calmly.

"Well…okay," Nancy said finally.

"Besides, if I know Alice she'll be here in T minus eight seconds." Jasper said.

Eight Seconds Later…

"You guys are terrible!" Alice cried as she slid in through the window. "I _hate_ this vampire = be mean to Alice rule!"

"Yeah, well…" Jasper said with a shrug. "What the status on the boy, Ed?"

"I still can't pick him up…" Edward said, a strained look on his face. "We're too far away."

"Well, don't worry," Nancy assured. "Once we get to the train station, we'll be able to get a ride closer."

"It's just too bad we can't get inside," Alice said sadly. "I mean, you attack once…"

"Hey, Tom was chasing me," Rosalie shot back.

"And you were _running_?" Nancy asked, astounded.

"Of course I was running," Rosalie said harshly. "His face is _scary_." Rosalie shivered.

"I still can't figure out why he's come back for you," Emmett said, shaking his head. Rosalie shot him a look. "I mean…uh…he's too…_bald_ for you?" Rosalie shrugged.

"He _is_ pretty bald," she admitted.

"Look, here's the train station!" Nancy said happily. "Come on, everybody!"


	7. Chapter 7

**If you still haven't reviewed yet, REVIEW!**

"Well, I'm a...a squib," Angela admitted.

"A huh?" Bella asked.

"You know about wizards, don't you?" Angela asked in a small voice.

"Hardly," Bella said with a laugh. "All I know is that they exist."

"Well, a squib is someone with magical parents…but they aren't magical themselves."

"Oh?" Bella asked, interested.

"It was humiliating," Angela continued. "I stood up there to be sorted…and the hat didn't say anything!"

"Well…duh," Bella pointed out.

"When you get sorted, you get sorted into four houses; Griffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin. All I wanted was to get into Ravenclaw…they're really smart in there. Now I wouldn't care if I got into Slytherin!"

"That's…really sad," Bella said, although she didn't understand a word Angela was saying. "What are wizards?" Angela took a deep breath and told Bella the story of wizards.

"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."

…………………………………………………………………………………………........

"Where are we going, Nancy?" Carlisle asked.

"Platform 9 ¾," Nancy replied. Emmett snorted.

"Platform 9 ¾," he repeated. "That doesn't exist! Look!" They stood between platforms nine and ten.

"Not to you it doesn't," Nancy said with a smile as she backed towards platform nine and _through _the post.

"What…" Emmett trailed off in disbelief. "Oh…wizard thing, right?"

"Yep," Nancy said proudly as she came back into view. "All we have t do now is catch the train."

"We can't," Rosalie said. "We've been banned from Hogwarts grounds. I tried to take shelter there when Tom was after me, but they mistook me for a threat."

"You're very threat-like," Alice pointed out. Immediately she realized her mistake. "Sorry, Rosalie,"

"You should be." Rosalie said. "I'm starting to think you shouldn't have come."

"I _have_ to come," Alice said. "I will be a very big help to you." Rosalie groaned.

"That's the _problem_! You really should be less helpful."

"It's true," Edward said.

"You guys _hate_ me!" Alice cried, and ran to the bathroom.

"Now what?" asked Edward.

"Let's go find some other way to get there," Nancy suggested. So they left.

**I'm telling you, you've got to REVIEW!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I admit I had some sources for Chapter 7. J.K. Rowling's ****Harry Potter and the****Sorcerer's Stone****!**

"'Oh, I will,' said Harry, and they were surprised at the grin spreading over his face. '_They_ don't know we're not allowed to use magic at home. I'm going to have a lot of fun with Dudley this summer.'" Angela finished her story of a boy named Harry Potter who was somehow more important then all the other wizards and witches.

"So…where'd you hear that?" Bella asked.

"Well, the wording was my own, but it's a story everyone was talking about all summer. I think he's real."

"And…there was a Lord Volde…"

"SHHHHHHH!" Angela hissed. "He _is_ real."

"Okay…A _guy_ who was after him, right?"

"Well, not _after_ him exactly," Angela explained. "But yes."

"And this is this…Harry Potter's second year, right?"

"That's the idea,"

"Okay…" They stood in silence for a while. "What did you say he looked like again?"

"I don't know," Angela admitted. "All I _do_ know is that he's out there…somewhere."

……………………………………………………………………………………………....

As they spoke, Harry was in his dorm the next morning **(Time difference).**

"I'm really exited about this year, aren't you, Harry?" Ron asked.

"Very," Harry replied.

"I just hope Ginny behaves…Mum would blame everything that happens to her on me."

"Yeah?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. Ginny's the youngest and the only girl in the family. She's my responsibility now. I just hope Mum doesn't have a heart attack about the car…"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"What are we going to do?" Alice wailed. The Cullens had been up all night trying to think of a way to reach Hogwarts without Dumbledore finding them. Alice had gotten over the fact that her siblings abandoned her (again) and was now searching the future for an answer. But she couldn't see anything because they hadn't decided anything yet.

"Wait," Alice said. The Cullens looked at her. "I see…a car."

"Great, we'll just drive there," Rosalie said sarcastically.

"No…" Alice said. "We're going to fly."

"What?" Edward asked.

"Ed…" Alice said sternly. "MOVE!"

"What?" Emmett took a dive at Edward and pushed him out of the way just in time for a badly beat up car to land right where he was standing.

"It's…a car!" Nancy exclaimed. **(Duh)**

"Duh," Rosalie said under her breath.

"It's a _flying_ car!" Nancy cried. "It's in pretty bad shape, but it'll fly us to Hogwarts. We can land close by, and those foolish wizards can't do anything about it!"

"Hey," Edward whispered to Alice. "Isn't it funny how she's keep insulting herself?"

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**Or DIE!**

**. .**

**U**


	9. Chapter 9

**I have to do a disclaimer so…**

**Disclaimer: I didn't make any of this up. The characters belong to J.K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyer except for Nancy. : p**

**REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

The sun set on the La Push beach as the girls sat and waited in silence.

"So…What do you think?" Angela asked finally.

"About what?" Bella asked.

"About…wizards," Angela replied.

"They can't be much worse then vampires," Bella said.

"Vampires?" Angela asked.

"I think I'll tell you that story another time," Bella said with a smile. "It's getting late."

"Yeah," Angela agreed. "We'd better go. You should think about this…wizard thing overnight."

"Oh, it's okay," Bella assured. "I'm used to this 'supernatural' thing. Next I'll find out that Ethan's the Yeti."

"Well…"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Bella cried. "I CAN'T TAKE A YETI!"

"Okay," Angela shrugged. "He's Bigfoot." Bella stared at her.

Angela broke out laughing. "I'm KIDDING! Ethan has _way_ too small feet."

……………………………………………………………………………………………....

"There it is," Emmett shouted because they were all up in the sky. "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"It brings back so many memories," Rosalie sighed. They all just looked at it from the sky for a while.

"LOOK OUT!" Nancy cried. Emmett swerved to avoid a tree.

"NICE GOING, EMMETT!" Rosalie screamed. "YOU'RE LUCKY WE CAN'T DIE OR I'D KILL YOU!" The car couldn't take the sharp turn and began to fall. It hit the ground and blew up.

……………………………………………………………………………………………....

"Blimey! What was that?" Ron cried. All of Hogwarts was crowded at the windows looking at the mushroom shaped cloud forming.

"Someone crashed!" Hermione said frantically. "A lost plane?" A wheel crashed through one of the windows, hitting the students that weren't quick enough to dive out of the way.

"Blimey!" Ron shouted again.

**Tehehe! This is where it starts getting interesting!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Really, I mean it. You have to REVIEW!!!!!!!!!**

Bella slept surprisingly well that night. She dreamt of a boy with a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair, and bright green eyes. He was in a dark chamber. An unconscious girl with bright red hair lay in the center. The boy ran to her, calling, "Ginny!" but he never reached her. A huge snake rose from the ground in front of him…and Bella woke up.

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"Is everyone okay?" asked Edward's head as it lay on the ground.

"I lost my arms!" whined Emmett.

"AH!" Nancy screamed. "My legs are gone!"

"I'm _perfect_," Rosalie exclaimed.

"Good. Alice?"

"Perfectly fine," Alice replied.

"Great. You and Rosalie help us assemble ourselves. Quickly!"

"Okay, I'm on it," Said Alice as she as Rosalie began to search for parts.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hogwarts was buzzing over the event of that day. Shortly after the car blew up, a message was found on the second floor, written in blood on the wall.

_The Chamber has been reopened. Mudbloods will die unless my old love goes out with me before October._

The janitor's cat hung dead on a post.

Filch wallowed for the rest of the day until Dumbledore came over and offered him a vacation for the rest of the year. Everyone cheered when he accepted.

"Something's not right here," Hermione said. "Who would want to kill Mudbloods?"

"A Slytherin, no doubt," Ron grumbled.

"I don't think just a student would kill Filch's cat and several Mudbloods for their old love to go out with them," Hermione pointed out. Ron snorted.

"You're lucky you weren't around when _my_ old girlfriend dumped me."

**Review or I'll make Rosalie KILL everyone in the end.**

**Just kidding.**

**Or **_**am**_** I?**


	11. Chapter 11

**I think I'm serious about that Rosalie thing. So you'd better review unless you want Edward dead and Bella blown up. And even if you do, review anyways and tell me so. : P**

"Filch is so cruel," Ron said.

"What?" Harry asked.

"He thinks _I_ did it!" Ron exclaimed. "I mean, Sherry was pretty but…"

"I don't even want to know who Sherry is," Hermione said. "We have to find out who the threatener is so we can stop him…or at least who the lover is."

"Why do you care so much, Hermione?" Ron asked.

"Because if he decides to kill people, _I _could be one of them!"

"Right…Hey, why don't they just do a D.N.A. test or something?" Hermione laughed.

"Oh, Ron! Always have to do it the hard way!"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The vampires had superglued their limbs back together and were looking upon the castle.

"Well, Nancy," Rosalie sighed. "This is where we tie you up and push you away on a boat towards Hogwarts. When you get there, remember to pretend to be kidnapped. Oh, and befriend Harry Potter, too. That too."

"Okay," Nancy sighed. "Hey, are you sure I'm really pretending? You're tying me up pretty tight." Emmett put a lock on the ropes for security.

"Oh, you'll be fine. They'll find you and set you free in no time. Make sure you don't get too thirsty though."

"But how am I…"

"GAG HER!" Rosalie cried. Emmett put the gag on Nancy and shoved her into the boat. The Cullens pushed her to the other side of the lake, where she then lay terrified.

"Hey, I feel kind of bad for Nancy. It was pretty cruel to really kidnap her like that." Alice said.

"Shut up or you're going in with her!" Rosalie cried.

"Sorry, ma'am."

"No go get me my Tom and Jerry poster!"

"Of course," Alice ran away at top speed towards the airport to buy Rosalie a Tom and Jerry poster because she had dropped the real one in a mud puddle because she was angry at Rosalie for ditching her.

They waited all night for her.

"Let's ditch her," Edward suggested, and they left.


	12. Chapter 12

**Remember, if you don't review, they all DIE!**

"Hi, I'm Hermione Granger, second year Gryffindor. What do you know about the threatener?"

"Nothing," said the frightened first year. "I swear!"

"Okay," Hermione said. "Tell your friends." She let the first year go.

"That's it?" Ron asked. "Tell your friends? You're never going to get answers that way!"

"Be quiet, Ron! I'm investigating!" Hermione shot back. "Excuse me!" She ran after another first year. Ron sighed and followed her.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The Cullens camped out under the sun as they waited to pull a prank on Alice when she returned. Their skin sparkled like fireflies, and Emmett began to count each glimmer of light he saw.

"Four thousand eight hundred ninety-eight…Gah! Stop moving so fast!"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Nancy screamed under gag. She was getting dangerously thirsty and she couldn't break free.

"What the…Is that a student?" Nancy sighed with relief.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"What do you think they're doing there?" Bella asked Jacob.

"Stripping in a bar, I'll bet," Jacob replied. They were sleeping out on the beach under the stars. It was very late, but they didn't care.

"Do you think they're okay?" Bella asked.

"Probably. They're most likely on a vacation from your questions, disguised as an emergency." Bella hit him in the chest.

"Jake!" She got up and walked around.

"I was serious," Jacob said to himself.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Angela, sit down," her parents told her.

"What's up? It's after midnight."

"Ang, we've never told you this, but you're not a squib."

"What?"

"You're needed at that school, but we wouldn't let you go. We didn't want this for you."

"How could you do this to me?" Angela cried and ran to her room.

"Maybe we should have let her go just to get away from her,"

**Like I've said so many times, review or even Jacob DIES!!!!!!!!!!**


	13. Chapter 13

**I really do mean it about the reviewing. So far you're doing okay, but…**

**Disclaimer: I STILL haven't made much up ******

Angela lay in her room, depressed. _Not a squib. Not a squib. How could I not be a squib? The hat didn't say anything. They put me back on the train…_ Angela kept thinking over and over. _Unless…_Unless was good. _Unless my parents had something to do with that. Like an enchantment or charm, just so I wouldn't go to that school._ Unless was bad.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"So…what's so strange about Lupin? Did he get a big head?" Bella asked.

"Well…not exactly. He heard about us so he came a long time ago when he was bitten. He thought he was a descendant. But he wasn't under any pressure except for a big beast biting him, he was far too young, and he wasn't related to us at all."

"That's kind of sad," Bella said, but she wasn't sure.

"Yeah, well we still helped him all we could, but he didn't want our help. He had no control, so he left without a hope on him." Jacob was sad by this fact. "We still called him our half-cousin, but we never heard from him again. I wonder what happened to him."

"In this crazy world, who knows?" Bella said.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"This is silly, Hermione," Ron said. "We'll never find the culprit this way."

"Hey, detective lady," a first year said, coming up to her. "I just wanted to be the one to tell you…a girl was found yesterday. She says she knows who opened the Chamber of Secrets."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Shh!" Edward said. "Here she comes!" Alice stood in the clearing.

"I know what you guys are planning," She shouted. "I can see the FUTURE!"

"Oh!" Emmett said discouragingly as he went forth into the clearing. "You caught us Alice. I'm sorry." He gave her a big hug that was so tight, even a vampire couldn't break free.

"GO!" Edward cried. They Cullens jumped out and sprayed Alice with silly string.

"Rosalie," Edward said grandly. "If you would." Rosalie grabbed a bucket of a strange liquid from behind the bushes.

"We found a puppy while you were gone," Rosalie explained. "It was a big puppy that had drank almost an entire lake. We put it in this bucket, and…" Alice's eyes grew wide.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Angela had convinced herself that her parents had set up the hat trick, possibly replaced it or bewitched it, or maybe her. They had drained her powers before she left and they were sent back to her on the train ride back home. Angela could hardly believe it, but she knew it had to be true. She sighed. Her parents must have had a good reason to. She had to find out what. She got up and headed downstairs to talk to her parents.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Alice screamed as the big bucket of urine was dumped on her head. Emmett took the sacrifice unwillingly.

"Here is the fur of that dog," Rosalie said, and pulled out a big bucket of fur. "Em, move on the count of three. One, two…" Emmett ran a number too early, catching Alice off guard. Rosalie dumped the bucket on Alice's head, and she had dog fur stuck to her along with dog urine.

**Awesome, isn't it? You wouldn't want Alice to die and all those pranks to go to waste! So REVIEW!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Awesomeness!!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's changed.**

"Angela," her parents told her. "Hogwarts needs you."

"I _know_! But what do they _need_ me for?"

"Well, you're the last of American wizards," said her mother.

"But we're _Asian_!"

"Yes…" her father continued. "But you live _here_."

"What about Cho Chang?" Angela asked. "She used to live down the block from us!"

"That was only for a week, hun," said her mother. "Cho moved to a magical community."

"We almost did!" Angela exclaimed. "None of this makes any sense! Why are you telling me this _now_?"

"Because You-Know-Who is returning!"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"My name is Nancy," Nancy called through the hallways. Everyone was gathering around her, wondering what the truth was. "I was kidnapped by a couple of vampires!" Everyone gasped. "No less then six of them!" Everyone gasped again. "One was called Carlisle, obviously the leader. One was called Esme, his evil wife. One was named Edward. He could read everyone's mind!"

Everyone gasped at that. If a villain could read their minds…

"There was Rosalie, too! She was a master at trickery! She was very beautiful, but very cruel. Then there was Jasper…I couldn't panic or anything when he was around! I couldn't scream because I was so calm!" Everyone murmured in fright. "Then there was Emmett. He was _HUGE_! Finally, there was Alice. She seemed the pushover of the group, but she still didn't make a move to set me free. All were as fast as lightning, as strong as an elephant, and very attractive." This silenced everyone. They were confused by the attractive part.

"But they kidnapped for one reason! To warn me of _him_!" Everyone murmured again.

"You-Know-Who has returned!" Nancy cried. "And he has opened the Chamber of Secrets in order to get a date with Rosalie!" Everyone was still. Then a snort emerged. The snort turned into a laugh, which immediately turned hysterical. The one hysterical laugh turned into dozens of hysterical laughs, and they were all at Nancy's theory.

"It's true!" Nancy yelled over the crowd, but they didn't listen. They kept on laughing at her.

"ALL RIGHT!" Nancy screamed. "WHO LAUGHED FIRST?" Everyone scooted away from a boy in the sixth year. He looked scared as Nancy dragged him away around the bend.

"What the…" the boy said. This was followed by a frightened scream. Nancy had eaten him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"What happened?" Harry called as he rounded the bend. He had been heading to class when he heard a scream. He found a girl with blood all over her face and a sixth year boy lying dead on the ground. He almost screamed himself, but he was too scared.

"You-Know-Who has returned," Nancy warned him. "He wants Rosalie…"

"What's the matter here?" a voice called.

"It's true!" Nancy said, and then she was gone.

"Harry?" Professor McGonagall called. "What is going on here?" For a while, Harry couldn't speak. He was too shocked.

"H-He's dead," He called. "There was this girl…she killed him."

"What?"

Sure enough the boy was dead and Harry was the only witness. It figured.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Angela's parents didn't give her a good reason to why they didn't let her go to Hogwarts, but they _did_ tell her the same thing over and over. _You're needed at Hogwarts. Hogwarts needs you. You-Know-Who is back._

They hurried Angela upstairs and had her pack her things so she could go on a trip to England.

"Can I bring Bella?" she asked.

"Bella?" her mother repeated. "No, I don't think you can. She's not a witch or a squib. You'd get banned from Hogwarts." Not like it would make much of a difference.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Oh, Alice!" Edward gasped. "You should have seen your face! It was priceless!"

"You guys are just _evil_!" Alice screamed. "Next you'll tell me you actually _ate_ the dog!" Everyone stopped laughing guiltily.

"We were thirsty," Carlisle said sheepishly.

"YOU ATE A DOG WITHOUT ME!" Alice yelled. "You _know_ dog is my favorite!" Nobody said a thing.

"Sorry," Emmett mumbled.

"You _should _be!" Alice said angrily. "Not only did you kill a puppy, but you ate it without _me_! You know I've loved eating dog since that puppy peed on my shoe!"

"I got wet," Emmett complained. "This was a big sacrifice for me." Alice didn't believe him. Suddenly, a big boulder landed on Edward's toe.

"OW!" he cried.

"I would have warned you, but…" Alice said with an evil grin.

**Alice takes revenge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	15. Chapter 15

**I think Alice just might kill everyone instead of Rosie if you don't review, so I would.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's changed. McGonagall is J.K. Rowling's idea, as is the Chamber of Secrets.**

Alice was looking very smug as she saw Edward hopping around.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Edward screamed. "WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?"

"Oh, a couple of friends I asked to launch some boulders," Alice replied. "I told you, _I can see the future_!" As she spoke, rains of boulders were launched, all set to land on the Cullens.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Angela was put on the soonest flight to London. She was given a map that would direct her to the train station and instructions as to how to get to the platform. Angela wasn't particularly happy, but it didn't seem like she had a choice. Her parents had implanted a tracking chip in her skull when she was a baby, and they could track her if she decided to go astray.

Of course, she could pay for surgery with her mom's credit card and remove it, but that would be too much work. Angela decided it would be better just to sit tight like a good girl. _What am I thinking? They can track me, but they don't know what I'm doing._

"Hey, waiter," she called to the flight attendant. "Bring me a beer."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Oh shit!" Emmett cried as the thousands of boulders fell around him.

"ALICE! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!" Rosalie screamed as boulders fell around her, trapping her in a box. "I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL TEAR YOU INTO SHREADS AND BURN THE PIECES!" A huge boulder fell on top of her and squished her.

"ALICE! I'M SORRY!" Edward screamed as his other toe was squished. "I'M REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY….OH!" The biggest boulder fell on top of him.

"ALICE! I LOVE YOU!" Jasper screamed before he got smashed.

"OH, COME ON, ALICE!" Carlisle yelled in panic. "WE CAN COMPRIMISE!"

"No, I like this plan," Alice replied calmly, not caring at all that everyone was being smashed. "It's almost as fun as watching me do it in the future."

"You're not going to do this again?" Carlisle begged. "PLEASE!" A boulder smashed him then. Alice skipped away happily and watched the still boulders, waiting for her friends to break free of the boulders so she could tell her friends to launch them again.

**The plot thickens! Alice takes revenge!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry about taking so long. I couldn't figure out how to get more then fifteen documents on.**

**And I'm serious about that Alice killing thing. You know how Alice can get when she's crazy.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's changed.**

Angela had a huge hangover when she reached London. She felt terrible. She had _way_ too many beers on the flight. But she told herself it was worth it to tick off her parents.

Angela called a taxi and told the driver to take her to the train station.

"Sure," said the driver. "Where could you be going? You just got off a plane."

"Nowhere you'd know. It's just a bunch of hocus pocus." Angela replied, still feeling horrible.

They drove for a very long time. It wasn't for an hour that Angela realized that the driver was bald…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Who was that?" Harry demanded. "I mean, she had blood all over her face!"

"What did she say?" Ron asked again.

"You-Know-Who has returned. He wants Rosalie." Harry repeated.

"Who's Rosalie?" Hermione asked.

"How should I know?" Harry shot back. "I don't know everyone in the school."

"I'm not saying you did!" Hermione snapped. "It was a rhetorical question!"

"A what?" Ron interrupted.

"Shut up, Ron!" They both snapped.

"Let's just search the school and ask everyone named Rosalie," Ron demanded.

"That's stupid," Hermione said. "Let's just search the school and ask everyone named Rosalie."

"That's what I just…"

"Shut up, Ron!" They both snapped.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"What is going on here?" Angela demanded.

"I'm just taking you where you want to go," the taxi driver said innocently. "To Hogwarts."

"How do you know about Hogwarts?" Angela asked.

"Just relax," the taxi driver replied. "We're going to fly."

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"Oh, just call me Tom."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"I've got to call Angela," Bella said to Jacob. "She must be terribly worried.

"Yeah," Jacob agreed unwillingly. "I guess."

So Bella called Angela and was surprised to find that no one answered. She was even more surprised by the answering machine.

"Hi, this is Angela. I can't answer the phone right now because I'm in England! You can leave a message after the beep if you want, but I'm probably never going to get it."

**(Intense music)**

**The plot thickens!!!!!!!!!!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Someone asked me to explain Nancy, so I will. Nancy is both a vampire **_**and **_**a wizard. She keeps insulting herself by insulting wizards.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's changed.**

Bella was worried sick. How could Angela just disappear? And what did she mean when she said, 'I'm never going to get it'? She had to find Edward, but how? Charlie would freak out if he knew Bella had snuck off to another country. Unless…

"Jacob, you have to go with me," Bella said firmly.

"WHAT!" Jacob cried. "I can't go to England! Lupin lives there! Not only that, but wizards live there! They'll find me. I know they will! They'll KILL me Bella!"

"That's a risk I'm willing to take," Bella replied.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Tom?" Angela asked, confused. "You mean…"

"Yep," Tom Riddle said proudly. "I'm the guy that reopened the Chamber of Secrets. I'm the guy that killed thousands of people. I am the guy who went out with the beautiful Rosalie Hale."

"Wait…what?" Angela asked. "What is the Chamber of Secrets? And you _went out with Rosalie Cullen_?"

"Cullen?" Tom said with a frown. "Aw, she's married.

"SHE'S NOT MARRIED, SHE'S SEVENTEEN!" Angela cried. "Why would she ever go out with _you_? No offense, dude, but you're bald, and you're not the hot kind."

"Look," Tom said, steaming. "I wasn't _always_ bald, you know."

"I'm guessing you were bald before Rosalie was five," Angela pointed out.

"Guess again," Tom said, grinning.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Alice was laughing hysterically as Edward struggled to get the boulder off him. She was already free of signs they had done anything to her. She had rushed to the mall and bought some new clothes to wear and had taken a nice shower. Now she was watching Edward and her friends (**or enemies now, I guess**) try to get out from under the boulders.

Suddenly a yellow taxi flew in and landed on top of Alice. Alice was laughing so hard and focusing on her revenge so much that she hadn't seen it. Besides, the taxi had just decided to land on the shaking vampire a second ago.

Out stepped Tom Riddle. The taxi was locked from the outside, so the hostage inside it couldn't escape.

"Rosalie," Tom called. Rosalie still hadn't made it out from under the boulder. She stopped trying when she heard the voice. She kept absolutely still as Tom Riddle scouted the field, looking for her.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" he shouted, lifting the boulders to check what was under them. He found Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and an army of ants.

The ants attacked, angry that this bald guy had ruined their anthill. (Or so they assumed. It was really Alice.) They climbed all over him, and Tom screamed as he struggled to kill the army of ants.

Finally Tom apparated away, making the ants crawl on air. They fell on each other and gave up, searching for a new place for an anthill.

Tom apparated back, and continued his search. Next he found Edward, sobbing that he had been last (besides Rosalie).

Tom gave up at last. "Here this, Rosalie Hale," he shouted. "I am going to take three hostages. One is a vampire, one is a squib, and one is a witch. With luck, I'll end up with a wizard, too. But he won't be a hostage."

"I am not a squib!" Angela yelled from behind the door of the taxi.

"Whatever!" Tom yelled back. "Now, which vampire should I choose? Which one of you does Rosie like best?" Everyone looked at each other.

"Edward," they all chimed in.

"Alice!" Edward shot back. Nobody believed him. Tom took Edward's arm and cackled. Edward shrugged, yanked his arm away, and was gone. Tom was astounded.

"Oh, right," he said. "Vampire powers." Suddenly Edward reappeared.

"You are _sick_, man," Edward scoffed, referring to his thoughts. Then Edward was gone once again.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Bella and Jacob boarded the flight to London. Neither was sure what they were going to do once they got there, but they sat in silence until Jacob suggested they made-out.

**The last sentence was just random…**


	18. Chapter 18

**Make sure to review and check out my other story that I'm writing!**

Tom looked around angrily. How was he supposed to lure Rosalie without someone from her family? He had to lure one of the vampires so he could lure Rosalie. But how? Suddenly, he got an idea. Edward had a lover.

"Oh, no, man," Edward warned. "You're not gonna threaten me?

"That is exactly what I am going to do," Tom Riddle said proudly.

"Do you really have to?" Edward asked. "I mean, I know what you're going to say anyways."

"Yeah," Tom shrugged. "But you might as well let me have my fun." Edward just shrugged too.

"If you do not come with me, I will find a certain someone named Isabella Marie Swan and kill her."

"You would actually do that?" Carlisle asked.

"Sure," Tom said. "I've done it thousands of times before. Except, I usually make it painless. I think I'll act like my friend Bellatrix and use the Cruciatis curse. That will make her death much slower. Or maybe I should just get Bellatrix to kill her. Bella killing Bella, you know?"

"You're horrible!" Alice cried from under the taxi. "This isn't just a threat to Edward, you know!"

"Yeah, well," Tom said with a shrug. "That's the way it goes. It just so happens that Eddy loves her the most."

"That is not true," Edward shouted.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Bella and Jacob landed in London that night. All was silent for once. There was not an Englishman in sight.

"This is strange," Jacob noted.

"Maybe you scared 'em off," Bella suggested. "I mean, you look nothing like an Englishman."

"You could pass," Jacob pointed out. Bella shrugged. Then she caught the insult.

"Hey!" Jacob, however, didn't realize he had made one.

"What?"

"Are you saying I look like a man?" Bella demanded.

"No! I meant you look English!"

"Likely story! I hope the British execute you!" Bella cried, and ran off sobbing.

Suddenly Jacob was surrounded by Englishmen. They all had guns in their hands, and looked like guards from the Queen's palace.

"By order of Queen Elizabeth," their leader called. "You are under arrest for act of treason."

"TREASON?" Jacob shouted. "What is _that _supposed to mean?"

"It means you are betraying your country."

"But I was born in America," Jacob pointed out.

"Exactly. The Queen hates it when people betray their countries." The guard answered. "Even if it's not hers."

"So I'm being arrested for treason on America?"

"That's the idea."

"That's stupid!" Jacob exclaimed.

"Hey, I wouldn't call me stupid," the guard shot back. "I'm the one that could say you're being hanged, which you now are for being rude."

"That's stupid!" Jacob repeated.

"Oooh," the guard said, wincing. "If I were you, I would have apologized. Too late now."


	19. Chapter 19

**You'd better review. This is your last chance to plead for Jacob's life, as nobody has yet.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's changed.**

Bella was lost_. I shouldn't have run away from Jacob, _she thought. _Now I'm lost_, _and I have no idea where I am._ A taxi pulled up.

"Hey, need a ride?" the driver asked.

"I don't have any money," Bella admitted.

"That's okay. This one's on me."

"I don't know where I'm going."

"I know a couple places that would suit you." This was hard to resist. It was such a good offer…

"Okay," Bella agreed. She had slept entirely through every single 'Stranger Danger' class the school held when she was a kid. Now it was coming back to bite her.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Now what are we supposed to do?" Emmett asked nobody in particular. "I mean, without Edward, there's no drama in this family. And without Bella, there's no one to play pranks on." Alice cleared her throat. "Yeah, like I'm about to get you throw rocks at me."

"Ooooh! Ooooh!" Jasper cried, sticking his hand up in the air like a giddy school child. "I will! I will!" He ran up to Alice and pointed at her face.

"Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!" he teased. Alice just got a huge grin on her face. A big boulder soared from afar and hit Jasper, knocking him to the ground.

"Sorry, honey," she teased.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Harry!" Ron screamed. "Hermione!" He found his friends in the Gryffindor Common room.

"What _is_ it, Ron?" Hermione asked in a heavy English accent. "We're watching Thomas and Jer-"

"Enough about that," Ron interrupted. "Ginny is in the Chamber of Secrets!"

"That's impossible, Ron," Hermione scoffed. "If Ginny were in the Chamber of Secrets, I'd be petrified by now."

"What?" the boys asked.

"By a snake…in the pipes. And you and Harry would have gone into the Forbidden Forest and found a giant spider."

"What?" they repeated.

"And we would have already made a polyjuice potion," Hermione continued.

"WHAT?"

"To prove that Malfoy opened the Chamber of Secrets," Hermione explained. "Also it would probably be after Christmas…sometime late in the spring or early in the winter."

"You are making absolutely no sense, Hermione," Harry said. "For the first time you are not making any sense."

"I hardly make any sense," Hermione said. "Where's Gildaroy Lockhart?"

"Who?"

"The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher," Hermione insisted. "You didn't think Quirel was going to continue teaching? He's dead."

"No, I thought it was just cancelled," Ron said.

"That's why you haven't been showing up?" Ron shrugged.

"I guess."

"This is _all_ wrong," Hermione said. "I mean half this book hasn't even happened yet!"

"Book?" Harry asked.

"Yes! The second Harry Potter book!" Hermione cried. "Your series!"

"Why is it _his _series?" Ron complained. "I mean, what's so special about _him_? This is _my _sister!"

"He's the boy who lived, remember?"

"I lived, too." Hermione sighed.

"Just go save your f*** sister!" she shouted

"Oooh! Language!"

"GO!"

"Fine, fine… You're going to be a great wife someday."

"RONALD!"

"I'm going; I'm going…Love you, hon!"

"I HATE YOU!"

"No, you don't!"

**That's right. That would have made a nice story…Ron and Hermione arguing. Still, it fits here nicely, too.**

**DON'T STEAL MY IDEA!**

**Oh, and REVIEW!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Nothing's changed.**

Everyone was going different places. Bella was in a taxi with Lord Voldemort, the Cullen's were debating weather or not they should trespass on Wizard territory, Jacob was being escorted by guards to prison for a crime he didn't commit, and Angela, Edward, and Ginny were in the Chamber of Secrets playing cards with Tom and Jerry on the front.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Where are we going?" Bella asked after a while.

"Just to see Edward, like you asked," the taxi driver replied.

"Oh," Bella said. "Hey!"

"What?" the driver asked innocently.

"I didn't ask anything!"

"Oh," said the driver. "I guess my secret's out. Oh well. It's not like you can do anything about it." Bella shrugged. That was true.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"What do we do?" Alice cried. "Edward! Oh!"

"Well, we can't break the contract," said Carlisle. "That headmaster is really something."

"But it's not like he could kill us," Rosalie pointed out.

"No,"

"And he can't torture us because that's illegal,"

"True."

"So what's the contract for?" Carlisle opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, confused.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"I didn't _do _anything!" Jacob cried. "You can't take me to prison!"

"We're not," the guard answered. "We're executing you."

"Oh," Jacob said. "EXECUTING ME?"

"Yeah," said the guard. "We told you that."

"I thought you were joking!"

"British guards don't joke," answered the guard seriously. Jacob was lead to a rope.

"Oh my…"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"You got any nine's?" asked Angela.

"Go fish," Edward said. Angela took a card from the pile. "Do you have any fives?" Angela's jaw dropped.

"Two!" she said. "You're really good at this game! It's like you're psychic or something!" Edward shrugged.

**Review!!!**


	21. Chapter 21

**This story is coming to a close in a couple chapters. I'm still not exactly sure how it will end, but even if I did, I wouldn't be telling you.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's changed**

Bella just sat in the taxi. She didn't ask any questions, she didn't scream, and she didn't wonder anything. She just sat there, bored.

"I'm bored," she complained.

"Are you?" Tom asked.

"Yes," Bella said. "I wanna do something!"

"Oh," Tom said, unprepared. "Well…go to sleep or something."

"I slept most of the flight over here," was Bella's answer. "There's no way I could sleep now. Not even if you hit me on the head." Tom thought about that.

"Nah," he said finally. "She could get amnesia. That wouldn't be good."

"Who are you talking to?" Bella whined.

"Nobody," Tom said sharply. "Just me."

"Talk to_ me_," Bella pouted.

"Oh," said Tom. "Okay. What do you want to talk about?"

"Well, you see, I'm having some boy problems," Bella began eagerly. "Well, I'm in love with Edward, but he left for a long time because he thought it wasn't healthy for me to be in love with a vampire…"

"It's not," Tom Riddle interrupted.

"I'm not finished," Bella scoffed.

"Oh…sorry."

"So while he was gone I started hanging out with Jacob Black. Jacob's really cool. He's like my own personal sun. But then he became a werewolf! Can you believe that? It's like I'm drawn to the supernatural! Well, Edward came back and it turns out that vampires and werewolves are, like, natural enemies. But the problem is that Jacob seems to think I'm in love with him, which I'm not, but he just seems so sure! Then I found out I _do_ love him, but I love Edward more. Do you think I'm making a mistake?" Tom Riddle didn't know what to say.

"Um…what does Eddy think about all this?" Tom asked, improvising.

"He says he'd be happy with whatever I choose, but I'm not sure if he's telling the truth. I mean, if I choose Jacob, Edward will go through a depression that will last until we both die! I mean that because Edward will commit suicide when I die. But if I choose Edward, by friendship with Jacob may go down the drain! And there are doubts with both. I mean, Jacob could imprint and Edward could leave me again. I don't know what to choose! What do I do?"

"Choose the werewolf," Tom said after a while. "I tried the 'love the vampire' thing, and it didn't work."

"But you're bald," Bella pointed out. "And Rosalie probably didn't even love you. But I'm, like, Edward's singer or something. He can't resist me."

"Let me get this straight," Tom said. "You are an annoying teenager that's having a villain decide her future?"

"That's right." Tom didn't like her, so he said,

"Pick the vampire."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jacob started to cry as the British guards put the rope around his neck. A Jacob fan from nearby heard his call, and rushed towards the square to save the young werewolf.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Say, you don't think we should do anything about Ginny, do you?" Angela asked. "She's just sitting there. It's really creeping me out."

"I know," Edward agreed. "Hey, let's kill her."

"_Kill her_?" Angela repeated. "Why?"

"I'm thirsty,"

"Well, I'll ask Voldy for a glass of water."

"Okay, if you want. While you're at it, ask for a glass of blood, too. Try to make it from an animal because I'm sort of a vegetarian." Angela just stared at him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom!" the boys chorused. They had no idea why they just said that. They looked at each other, shrugged, and decided to go there to look for the Chamber of Secrets.


	22. Chapter 22

**If you think you know the Harry Potter version from here, you don't. The fact that they didn't do half the stuff they were supposed to do change it a lot.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's changed**

Four hostages sat in the dirty Chamber of Secrets. Bella and Edward were making out in the corner and Angela was poking the unconscious Ginny with a stick. They all knew that their rescuers would come eventually, as the hero always wins in these types of books.

"Ooooh!" Tom shouted. "My arch enemy is entering the chamber! All of you hide! Except Ginny, of course.

"I think it's sweet that Harry is risking his life for Ron's sister," Bella said to Edward.

"I know," Edward said. "What is up with that? I mean, Ron could be working for _him_ for all he knows!" He pointed at the hidden bald guy.

"It's not just that," Angela protested. "Harry's going to marry her someday."

"Where'd you get that from?" Bella asked.

"Ed told me before you came," Angela replied.

"I heard it from Alice," Edward explained.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"So it's decided," Carlisle said. "Rosalie will go alone to the secret entrance of the Chamber of Secrets that only we know about."

"Who decided that?" Rosalie protested.

"We did," Emmett said happily. Then he grew scared. "I mean – I voted no for you, honey! I'll miss you! Love you!"

"Emmett, you are so dead," Rosalie growled. Emmett shrank back in fear.

Rosalie walked down the hill to the edge of Hogwart's lake. She looked helplessly at her family. They smiled genuine smiles and waved. Rosalie scowled and walked into the lake.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Wow," Harry said. "Somehow the entrance was already open! That's not creepy to you?"

"No," Ron replied. "Should it be?"

"No," Harry replied. "Let's go.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jacob pleaded for mercy as the guard headed for the lever that would kill him.

The Jacob fan hurried to town square to save her hero. She got there just in time to see the guard pull the lever and hang the werewolf.

**That's right, Jacob is dead. I warned you. :p**


	23. Chapter 23

**I'm thinking there will be about 25 chapters in this thing, so you are definitely nearing the end of this story. Congrats! Don't forget to review though.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's changed**

Lord Voldemort was practically jumping up and down like a giddy schoolgirl. "Rosie entered as well!" he shrieked quietly. "First I'll kill Harry Potter and then Rosalie Hale!"

"How do you plan on doing that?" Edward asked. "You'd have to rip her apart and burn the pieces!"

"Oh!" Lord Voldemort whispered. "Is _that_ what I have to do? I'll do it!"

"Nice going, Ed," Angela whispered harshly. Edward shrugged. Rosalie was mean anyways.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Harry and Ron found their way through the Chamber of Secrets to find Ginny lying on the floor unconscious. Like the idiot he was, Ron ran to her.

"Ginny!" he cried.

Harry, who was somewhat smarter, looked at the wall. There written in blood was _Tom V. Riddle_. The letters rearranged themselves to make _Lord Voldemort._

"Well that solves who opened this stupid chamber," Harry said to himself.

"Pardon?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Rosalie wandered through the damp underground cavern that would eventually lead to the Chamber of Secrets. She was directly below Hogwarts.

Finally she broke out into a dark chamber with a red headed girl unconscious on the ground. A red headed boy was with her, looking at a darker headed boy staring at the wall. Rosalie found this pretty odd.

"What the hell is this, Tom?" she shouted.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Thomas Riddle had been dumped and almost killed by the beautiful Rosalie Hale. Now she was about to pay.

**(Suspenseful music)**


	24. Chapter 24

**This story will soon be finished.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's changed.**

All hell broke loose. A giant snake rose from the ground and went after the two boys. Tom Riddle himself appeared and ran after the beautiful Rosalie Hale. Rosalie was surprised, but not scared. She moved away quickly.

"How can I beat her?" Lord Voldemort asked himself.

"Tom and Jerry," Ginny murmured from the ground. Everyone looked at her, but she wasn't awake. She was sleep talking. The boys stopped looking at her and started running again.

"Tom and Jerry," Tom Riddle repeated. "Crazy, but it might just work."

"Rosie," the villain called. "I've got Tom and Jerry!" Rosalie's golden eyes lit up. She rushed to him. Tom Riddle moved aside.

"GIVE ME THE TOM AND JERRY!" Rosalie screamed.

"Of course," Tom Riddle agreed. "Basilisk, if you would." The giant snake chasing Harry Potter went and set up a giant plasma screen. It placed a big chair in front of it. "Switch it to Tom and Jerry, please," The Basilisk did.

Rosalie was immediately drawn to the Tom and Jerry cartoon. She was so distracted that she didn't notice Tom Riddle coming over and yanking off her limbs.

Meanwhile, the snake went back to chasing the two boys. All seemed lost. Ron was never the best at the mile run, and Harry had to keep going back to save him. Finally Fawks soared in. Somehow the headmaster had heard and sent his Phoenix to give Harry Potter a sword.

Harry Potter took it and started to kill the Basilisk. He wasn't very good at killing anything, or even fighting anything. But he aimed at the yellow eyes and hoped for the best.

Rosalie was all in a pile except for her head. Tom tried to move that part, but Rosalie tried to reassemble herself so she could go watch more Tom and Jerry. Tom Riddle decided to leave that part until he had burned the rest of her.

Harry's eyes fell upon a diary. He _hated _books! Books were the reason they were in this stupid mess in the first place! Harry hated books so much that he took his sword and thrust it into it. Tom Riddle screamed in pain. There was a horcux in that book! Harry didn't notice, so he stuck the sword into it again. He stuck it in there over and over again, until it was nothing but a bunch of holes.

"STUPID BOOKS!" he cried. Ron, meanwhile, had been distracting the basilisk.

"STUPID SNAKE!" he screamed. With Tom Riddle dead, the basilisk shrank back into its hiding spot, where it would stay until it died. Besides, it was blind.

They left Rosalie there. She was fine, she wasn't burned. Tom hadn't set the fire yet. She would leave once Tom and Jerry was over.

The boys took Ginny and hauled her back up to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. From there, Madame Pomfry, the school nurse, took her to the Hospital Wing.

And everybody lived.

**Not happily ever after, but…**


	25. Chapter 25

**Tom Riddle and Rosalie Hale**

**Ever wonder why Tom Riddle went through all that trouble for Rosalie Hale? Here's a preview.**

It was a long time ago. Rosalie had been a vampire for a few years now, and she hadn't found Emmett yet. She was in England one day when she found a boy. She had never cheated before. She had been a vegetarian her whole life.

But she did want this boy. "Ed," she whispered. "That boy over there is hard to resist."

"It's okay, Rose," Edward said. "You've got to build your resistance."

"You're right," Rose said, and went over to the boy. "Hi, I'm Rosalie Hale."

"T-Thomas Riddle," he stammered. "But you can call me Tom."

Well, long story short, they fell in love. Then Rosalie found out she didn't love this wimpy boy (she wanted someone with muscle) and dumped him. The boy got angry and was inspired to become Lord Voldemort.

**That's a really lame summary of it, I know. But I'm thinking of writing a story about it with more details. Keep checking for it!**


	26. Special Treat

**This story is, in fact, over, and it has been since January 4****th****. But now I've reached fifty reviews, and ****5,767**** hits. Fourteen people added** **this story to their favorites list, and I have two story alerts.**

**To celebrate, I am finally putting in the hidden chapter that I always meant to put in, but completely forgot. Here you go!**

Jacob rose triumphantly from the ground and shook his russet fur. He looked around at the deserted town center where the British guards had attempted to hang him. There was no sign of the cowards.

They had, in fact, pulled the lever and tried to hang the teen werewolf. The Jacob-fan had screamed, and tears had run down her face.

Jacob had hung limp for a while, pretending to be dead, but then he raised his head, let out a barking laugh with the remainder of his breath, and then he had transformed into a wolf.

The Jacob-fan had cheered, and the British guards had screamed like little girls and ran away as fast as they could towards the Queen's castle, crying tears of fear.

But after a few minutes of looking at the giant, brown wolf, the Jacob-fan had realized that she was really a cat person, and so she shrugged her shoulders and went home, turning her back on the Quileute wolves.

And on the Jacob-fan's way home, she had encountered an annoying British girl on the side of the road, sobbing her eyes out.

"Are you okay…?" the former fan had asked slowly.

The girl's head shot up. "No," she snapped. "I'm not! I can never go back to Hogwarts!"

"Um…"

"I'm NOT crazy! He really _was_ after Rosalie!"

"Uh…"

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!" And Nancy took the former fan's neck and sank her normal teeth **(these guys don't get cool fangs) **into it. The former-fan squirmed and writhed with pain as she began to turn into a vampire.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jacob, meanwhile, pranced happily around the British city. But then he stopped and frowned, for now he was stuck in England. He had left his wallet in his pants, which were now in shreds.

Jacob growled. But then he saw the situation in new light, and he began to pant happily.

Happily, Jacob began to run to the town square, where he could morph back into a human and dance naked around all the girls.

**Well, it is completely random. I was just going to say "Jacob looked around the square triumphantly. 'Take that you British cowards!'" But that seemed short, so I added the rest.**

**We'll see what you get when and if I reach 100 reviews.**

**Oh, and I will NOT be making a sequel for this, but I will make a completely unrelated parody soon, by request of ****Jacquie Whitlock****, so keep checking for that instead of fretting yourselves over the sequel that I never really planned on doing.**


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